Death On The Nile Review: Kenneth Branagh’s Star-Studded Whodunit Feels More Like A Travelogue Than A Thriller

‘Death on the Nile’: Kenneth Branagh is weighing in on his TripAdvisor review.

Death on the Nile (PG13)

Starring Kenneth Branagh, Armie Hammer, Gal Gadot

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Kenneth Branagh’s second Agatha Christie adaptation as star and director — following 2017’s Murder on the Orient Express — involves two mysteries: one about the origins of Belgian sleuth Hercule Poirot’s (Branagh) radar-deflecting handlebar moustache, the other concerns the murder of an heiress (Gal Gadot) during her honeymoon onboard a steamship sailing down the titular river. It isn’t a good sign when the secondary mystery (the facial fuzz) is more intriguing than the primary one (the pre-meditated homicide). The film, while gorgeously lensed and well-acted, traipses around with the casual pacing of a travelogue – for more than an hour! – before getting straight to the macabre business at hand. Even then, when the great detective calls out the perp(s), the revelation is prosaic and lacks punch. Now, that’s a crime. (2.5/5 stars) 

Photos: 20th Century Studios

‘Marry Me’: Oh, look, 'Anaconda' is on!

Marry Me (NC16)

Starring Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, John Bradley, Sarah Silverman

Directed by Kat Coiro

Filmed in 2019, before the COVID-19 pandemic, back when Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez were still at an item, this preposterous Notting  Hill-meets-Love is Blind rom-com sees her pop star diva (what a stretch!) who, following a high-profile break-up with her cheating fiancé, enters into an arranged hook-up with Anaconda co-star Owen Wilson’s divorced high school teacher (replete with a precocious daughter and a cute dog). The leads are appealing, the songs are catchy, but everything pales in comparison to the stuff that's happening in JLo's real-life headline-grabbing love-life (hello, Ben Affleck!). Let’s face it, nothing can top that. (2.5/5 stars)

Photo: UIP