Gen Y Speaks: What caring for my mum taught me about mental illness
The issue of mental health is becoming salient worldwide but in Singapore, there remains little empathy towards people with mental illness. It is time to raise more awareness about mental health problems, if Singapore is to be an inclusive society.
A survey released by the National Council of Social Services last September found that more than five in 10 respondents here are unwilling to live with, live nearby or work with a person with a mental health condition.
This is despite the fact that more people are living with mental health issues here, according to statistics from the Institute of Mental Health (IMH). In 2017, 43,000 people sought outpatient treatment at IMH, a 22 per cent increase from 2010.
We might think that individuals with mental illness are dangerous, violent or threatening. But most of them do not act this way.
My mother was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 15. During her low moments, she would be unable to cook, clean or take care of my family, spending most of her days in bed.
Sometimes, she would have irrational arguments with the rest of the family, like stopping my father from going on a business trip because she feared that something bad would happen to him, though there was no cause for worry at all.
Despite her outbursts, she was never a threat to us. In fact, we feared that she was a threat to herself, with depressive and suicidal thoughts clouding her mind during the worst moments of her depression.
It was heartbreaking to watch a strong pillar of my life falter like this, but I knew that in those moments I did not have to shield myself from her — rather, I needed to take care of her.
Patients with mental illness are generally neither non-violent nor dangerous, according to a study by the United States Department of Health and Human Services.
It found that only 3 to 5 per cent of crimes involving violent acts were linked to people with mental illness. The majority of these crimes were committed by individuals who were mentally sound.
Moreover, the study found that people with severe mental conditions were 10 times more likely to be a victim of violent crime.
Due to the stereotype that individuals with mental illness are “dangerous”, they are often marginalised.
Supporting my mother taught me some important lessons.
When she was first diagnosed, I did not understand why she had to spend the whole day resting in bed and withdrawing herself from the world.
When she shared her depressive thoughts with me, I wondered why she could not just be stronger and snap out of the negativity.
After seeing her through her depression, I have learnt that such attitudes do not help people with mental illness and are even detrimental. Instead of criticising people with mental illness, we could help by listening to their concerns.
Ms Mary Yip, a caregiver support specialist at Caregivers Alliance Limited (CAL), a non-profit organisation that trains caregivers of people with mental illness, says that listening is vital because it assures them that they are not alone, especially in moments when they feel helpless.
“When they want to talk to you, we might think that it’s just a normal conversation. But in their eyes, you may be the only one they want to talk to at that moment,” Ms Yip said, adding that this could make a huge difference to their mental state.
Some practical steps we can take, as recommended by The National Alliance on Mental Illness in the US, include asking open questions such as “How are you feeling?” and reflecting back on what they have said.
For example, if they share that they feel extremely anxious about interacting with others, we can say: “I hear that you feel very anxious, and you feel that speaking to strangers is very scary for you.”
We can also ask if we have understood them correctly and not interrupt them with our opinions.
My mother took about three years to fully recover from depression, by visiting her psychiatrist regularly, taking her medications, and by leaning on family support.
Over those few years, I learnt to support her by lending a listening ear to her worries. As her daughter, I often did not have answers for her questions, but I listened and assured her that we love her very much.
With the help of her family and close friends, who supported her by coming to visit her and encouraging her to take small outings outside with them, my mother slowly renewed her strength.
Today, she is a radiant and resilient person who can better handle challenges that come her way — and even plays badminton twice a week to keep fit.
If we had not provided emotional support for my mother, her condition might have worsened.
According to SANE Australia, the country’s mental health charity, over two-thirds of people with mental conditions feel lonely compared to just 10 per cent in the general population.
It also found that close relationships are vital for a person’s recovery from a mental health condition.
According to Dr Ang Yong Guan, a consultant psychiatrist with more than three decades of experience, long-term institutional care for mental patients is a thing of the past, as more effort is being made to reintegrate them into society.
“The mentally ill need the support of their friends and family, in addition to good medical treatment,” Dr Ang said.
CAL’s Ms Yip added that caring for someone with mental illness can seem very tough at first. However, she encourages caregivers to imagine this: If the tables are turned and we are the ones who need help but are cast aside, how would we feel?
“(People with mental illness) are not objects with no feelings, they are living beings too,” the 48-year-old added.
During my mother’s darkest times, every single day seemed bleak for her.
But I am glad my family and I rallied around her.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Tan Yu Jia is a third-year student at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information, Nanyang Technological University.
